CoAs And Burnout.
Burnout is persistant exhaustion,
Workaholism is the step toward burnout, and the CoA is a natural candidate for burnout. Not knowing what normal is leads to not saying “no”. Burnout is a condition where an individual has given more than he has to give. It is a condition where it is felt that there is nothing left.
It is characterized by depression and inability to get out of bed in the morning, in loss of or intense gain in appetite, agoraphobia, a variety of physical symptoms, and substance abuse. For many the issue of burnout is addressed by taking a good hard look at:
(1) How much has been taken on? (2) How much of it is necessary? (3) How much of it is unnecessary? (4) What steps can be taken to relive oneself of unnecessary responsibility? (5) What steps can be taken to relieve oneself of necessary responsibility which may not be necessary in the real (6) How do I establish priority? (7) How do I balance? (8) How do I prevent relapse? Most of us burn out once. Without intervention, the burn-out pattern for the CoAs is to get sick, regroup and then head toward the next burnout.
(1) It’s the only way they know how to behave. With no understanding of or appreciation for moderation, getting sick is the only way not to be in charge. The pattern is predictable.
(2) There are deeper reasons. Part of the survival struggle that the CoA carries into adulthood propels him/her toward burnout. It is hard for the CoA to believe that they “have made it”, and so they continue to play out historical issues.
A high-achieving CoA shares the following feelings in a supervisor group: She has no idea when she begins, that she is about to zero in on why she burns out when she “knows better”,
She has been hanging onto her anger at her parents even though they are no longer living.”What’s in it for you to stay angry? What is your gain?”
Her answer, profound and painful, makes it clear: If I hang on to my anger at my parents, I don’t have to risk death. If I’m angry, I don’t have to risk being close. I don’t have to risk growing up. If I grow up and become responsible for myself, I have to give up my search for nurture. I have to take care of myself. Taking care of myself means I will be all alone and if I am all alone, I will die.
So I avoid that by holding onto my anger at my parents as the only route to freedom from them but end up being locked inside me. Owning up to the fact that I don’t know how to take care of myself is very hard because I know so clearly how to take care of others.
I do and I don’t want to be responsible to and for myself. I want my independence but I still yearn for the nurturing. This is very painful to deal with so I try and reduce the risk of sharing this side of me.
One of the ways that I reduce the risk of being responsible is to take on many responsibilities. If I do that, then I don’t have to face myself and no one will know, because I am super responsible, that that is the way I cover my fear. Being super responsible to and for others will effectively hide the fact that I’m ignoring my obligation to myself.
This clearly demonstrates why the usual route is not sufficient. In addition to the tools described earlier, it is imperative that you learn how to:
(1) Recognize positive feedback. (2) Acknowledge it. (3) Let it in
Being offered greater responsibility is positive feedback. It may not be in your best interest to take on more but that does not diminish or dismiss it as a stroke. Separate them out. Be flattered (do it consciously, even if it is not possible to feel it) that you are seen as being capable.
Then make a decision based on what you want to do. The compliment of being offered a promotion does not mean you have to accept it.
Learn to recognize your early stress symptoms. Prevention Magazine published the following list. Some may be new to you; you may have others to add to it.
At the first sign, SLOW Down. Yes--- easy for me to say; almost as easy as I TOLD You So.
