Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
Depression, hopelessness, lack of ambition,
You are born unafraid
The child is born with no fears, except those of falling and loud noise. All other fears have to be thaught to the child as he or she grows up.
The two major fears we all develop are the fear of failure or lose and the fear of criticism or rejection. We begin to learn the fear of failure if we are continually criticized and punished when we try something new or different. We are shouted at and told,”No! Get away from there! Stop that! Put that down!” Physical punishment and the withholding of love, possibilities that scare us and make us feel insecure, often accompany these shouts and criticisms. We soon begin to believe that we are too small, too weak, incompetent, inadequate, and incapable of doing anything new or different. We express this feelings with the words,” I can’t I can’t I can’t” whenever we think about doing something new or challenging, we automatically respond with feeling of fear, trembling, and a spanking. We say,” I can’t over and over. The fear of failure is the primary reason for failure in adult life. As the result of destructive criticism in childhood, we hold ourselves back as adults. We sell ourselves short. We quit before we even try the first time. Instead of using our amazing minds to figure out how to get what we want, we use our reasoning ability to create reasons why we can’t, and why the things we want are not possible for us.
The Need To Be Loved
The second major fear that holds us back, undermines our confidence, and destroys our desire for a happy life is the fear of rejection, and its expression, criticism. This emotion is learned in early childhood as the result of our parents expressing disapproval of us whenever we do something they don’t like, or don’t do something that they expect. As a result of our displeasing them, they
Change Your Thinking
Become angry and withdraw the love and approval we need so much as children.
The fear of being unloved and alone is so traumatic for a child that she soon confirms her behavior to do whatever she thinks her parents will approve of. She loses her spontanety and uniqueness. She begins to think,” I have to! I have to! I have to!” She concludes,” I have to do whatever Mommy and Daddy want me to, or they won’t love me, and I’ll be all done!”
— William James
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